Blossom-Guess What's Coming to Dinner

[JewelryQueen]

It was a dark and gloomy winter. My phone rang and it was an a former co-worker. Now I knew she was a bit of a diamond in the rough, not all her wheels were on the track, but she could be entertaining. When she said "How's about a weekend getaway to Reno?" I said "Why the heck not!" Well now I will tell you why the heck not...

Upon our arrival she immediately pronounced that she simply must have a surf and turf dinner. Price was no object. Since I had lived in the area years earlier I promptly made a reservation at one of the few fine dining restaurants where I had previously been a frequent flyer. So far so good. Well that's as far as the good got...

When we met for dinner my eyeballs almost popped out of my head on springs. The neckline of her dress plunged to within 3 inches of the hem. The hem was about 3 inches below her lady parts. I also suspect she is going commando top and bottom. Oh my! Could I possibly have the good luck to be run over by a truck before we arrive? Nope. Maurice the Maitre'D takes one gander at her and his left eyebrow shot so far into his hairline I didn't think it was coming back. I receive the coldest of glares. Not surprisingly, we are seated in the darkest corner table closest to the swinging kitchen door.

So we order. Filet mignon and whole crab. OMG! She has the table manners of a Gremlin. After the carnage of the crab is removed our server brings us two finger bowls to clean up with. Mind you she desperately needs to clean up. Seeing the bowl with some lemon in a net nestled in steaming water-- she straightaway grabs her bowl with both hands, downs it in one gulp and declares it is the worst tea she ever drank! Our waiter (still chuckling) then proceeds to bring us miniature flutes of champagne to cleanse our palates for the dessert course. By now he is wary of approaching our table. This is not helped when she lets out a screech and wants to know where the rest of the bottle is. By now I figure I need at least 3 bottles just to make it through the rest of dinner. No such luck. Dessert arrives. It is the best of the very best chocolate atop an elegant samovar with dry ice below to keep the goodies from melting. Seeing the "steam" wafting out she begins yelling "FIRE!" "FIRE!" I kid you not. After some difficulty I assure her the joint is not about to collapse around us in flames. Time for the check (thanks be to Jesus.) From who knows where she whips out 2 $5 bills for her share of dinner. Now that is not even close to half of just the tip. I am containing myself. I want to throttle her and then hang her upside down by her feet and shake her to see if any more money falls out. But I don't as I am pretty sure it is not money that will fall out of that dress
.
Bottom line---- there is not one assassin to be found in Reno in February of 1992. I know. I looked.

[Lulu]

LOL, what we have here is a failure to communicate.

[Blossom]

It was a dark and gloomy winter. My phone rang and it was an a former co-worker. Now I knew she was a bit of a diamond in the rough, not all her wheels were on the track, but she could be entertaining. When she said "How's about a weekend getaway to Reno?" I said "Why the heck not!" Well now I will tell you why the heck not...

Upon our arrival she immediately pronounced that she simply must have a surf and turf dinner. Price was no object. Since I had lived in the area years earlier I promptly made a reservation at one of the few fine dining restaurants where I had previously been a frequent flyer. So far so good. Well that's as far as the good got...

When we met for dinner my eyeballs almost popped out of my head on springs. The neckline of her dress plunged to within 3 inches of the hem. The hem was about 3 inches below her lady parts. I also suspect she is going commando top and bottom. Oh my! Could I possibly have the good luck to be run over by a truck before we arrive? Nope. Maurice the Maitre'D takes one gander at her and his left eyebrow shot so far into his hairline I didn't think it was coming back. I receive the coldest of glares. Not surprisingly, we are seated in the darkest corner table closest to the swinging kitchen door.

So we order. Filet mignon and whole crab. OMG! She has the table manners of a Gremlin. After the carnage of the crab is removed our server brings us two finger bowls to clean up with. Mind you she desperately needs to clean up. Seeing the bowl with some lemon in a net nestled in steaming water-- she straightaway grabs her bowl with both hands, downs it in one gulp and declares it is the worst tea she ever drank! Our waiter (still chuckling) then proceeds to bring us miniature flutes of champagne to cleanse our palates for the dessert course. By now he is wary of approaching our table. This is not helped when she lets out a screech and wants to know where the rest of the bottle is. By now I figure I need at least 3 bottles just to make it through the rest of dinner. No such luck. Dessert arrives. It is the best of the very best chocolate atop an elegant samovar with dry ice below to keep the goodies from melting. Seeing the "steam" wafting out she begins yelling "FIRE!" "FIRE!" I kid you not. After some difficulty I assure her the joint is not about to collapse around us in flames. Time for the check (thanks be to Jesus.) From who knows where she whips out 2 $5 bills for her share of dinner. Now that is not even close to half of just the tip. I am containing myself. I want to throttle her and then hang her upside down by her feet and shake her to see if any more money falls out. But I don't as I am pretty sure it is not money that will fall out of that dress
.
Bottom line---- there is not one assassin to be found in Reno in February of 1992. I know. I looked.

JewelryQueen you're the best story teller of all time! I felt like I was the fly on the wall & watching the entire fiasco unfold! From earier posts, I'm going out on a short limb to guess this was not fiction...?

[JewelryQueen]

Nope. Not fiction. None of mine are, though I take small liberties. Thank you my number one fan!

[Blossom]

Nope. Not fiction. None of mine are, though I take small liberties. Thank you my number one fan!

No, I thank you! I love 'em & hope you keep submitting such entertaining material. Quite possibly you didn't find the humor at the time but I thoroughly enjoy reading about your escapades!

[Gemsnob]

You have quite a talent for writing short stories. Have you ever done it professionally? I bet with your sense of humor you could write greeting cards. I would buy them!

[Blossom]

You have quite a talent for writing short stories. Have you ever done it professionally? I bet with your sense of humor you could write greeting cards. I would buy them!

Me too! In this modern world of technology greeting cards are becoming obsolete with many people. Guess I'm 'old school'.

[Gemsnob]

You have quite a talent for writing short stories. Have you ever done it professionally? I bet with your sense of humor you could write greeting cards. I would buy them!

Me too! In this modern world of technology greeting cards are becoming obsolete with many people. Guess I'm 'old school'.

I know! Some schools arent even teaching cursive anymore. The "art" of written correspondence is being lost.

[Blossom]

You have quite a talent for writing short stories. Have you ever done it professionally? I bet with your sense of humor you could write greeting cards. I would buy them!

Me too! In this modern world of technology greeting cards are becoming obsolete with many people. Guess I'm 'old school'.

I know! Some schools arent even teaching cursive anymore. The "art" of written correspondence is being lost.

Isn't that crazy! In my opinion it should be mandatory. Are they even capable of a signature when needed?

[OtherSideOfTheTracks]

What a great story to read but horrified that you had to experience it! You have a real talent for writing as I pictured the scene and felt the irritation! It's always nice to be able to look back on a bad memory and laugh! Thanks for sharing!