Advice please

[Margui]

Hi Blossom! I am a breast cancer survivor, and I so feel for your situation. All I can tell you is to keep in communication with her but don't push, just be with her and be there for her if she needs or wants to talk to you, let her be heard. And just the knowledge that you have not abandoned her and are there for her for the duration will be enough. You certainly will have no regrets, and you are a great friend.

Rolltide you are a warrior! I'm happy that you defeat that horrible illness. Continue to be with a good health.

[Ginger]

OtherSideoftheTracks, I appreciate the kind words and your new relationship doesn’t sound strange to me. I believe God put 2 loving souls together, that needed each other. It sounds like a loving relationship with that you can talk about your spouses with each other without fear of making one mad. I truly think this is amazing and I too, believe in miracles and the power of faith & prayer. I’ve seen lots of things in my life that I couldn’t explain & knew they must be some kind of miracle. Be happy with your partner now, think about the beautiful times with the “love of your life” and just take it one day at a time. I’m always here if you or any of our dear friends wants to talk. Big hugs I’m sending you all from Georgia

[Ginger]

Thank you Blossom for your lovely words, I’m sorry for your loss too. Life’s so unpredictable and just when things seem to be going good-bam-the floor falls out from underneath you. My daddy passed away November of last year from a heart attack, he & my mom had been divorced for years. He was basically a loner & had nothing much to do with his children or family. My mom has remarried for the 3rd time in September and now lives only 7 miles from me. She hasn’t had anything to do with me or seen me in over 5 years, my sister either. She has 4 other children from her ex husband and treat them well. I don’t understand how parents can be cruel to their children and I am always happy to hear wonderful family memories from everyone on here because my childhood was horrible. So please keep the happy memories and stories coming, I love hearing them all. I think it helps us all to read happy memories, throughout your life. Thank you so much Ginger

[Blossom]

Thank you Blossom for your lovely words, I’m sorry for your loss too. Life’s so unpredictable and just when things seem to be going good-bam-the floor falls out from underneath you. My daddy passed away November of last year from a heart attack, he & my mom had been divorced for years. He was basically a loner & had nothing much to do with his children or family. My mom has remarried for the 3rd time in September and now lives only 7 miles from me. She hasn’t had anything to do with me or seen me in over 5 years, my sister either. She has 4 other children from her ex husband and treat them well. I don’t understand how parents can be cruel to their children and I am always happy to hear wonderful family memories from everyone on here because my childhood was horrible. So please keep the happy memories and stories coming, I love hearing them all. I think it helps us all to read happy memories, throughout your life. Thank you so much Ginger

Ginger, that's so sad & unfair your mom has estranged herself from you & your sisters. I hope she realizes it's her loss, but I know it has made you the strong woman & loving mother & wife you are today. Blessings to you & your family.

[Margaret]

Hi Blossom
I am sure your friend knows you love her very much.. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in 2017 and it is the love from my family and friends that is keeping me going and knowing that God has pathed the way going forward. When my sister was ill I sent her a hooded rob from shoplc to keep her warm. She loved it and started to call me again and even allowed me to visit. I now have the rob and when I look at it I know I did something to make her happy.

I would like to add a personal note which is my dog altered me to the fact something was wrong in 2002 I was diagnosed with breast cancer as too many of us have experienced. 15 years latter it came back but unfortunately the hospital misdiagnosed me and by the time I insisted on more test I was diagnosed with mediatized breast cancer which by this time spread to my lungs. I am now more proactive with my families health care and insist on fully testing be done. I am glade that I refused addictive pain killers back in 2017 because I live a full productive life but on a slower pace. I use retail therapy and come here where you keep engaged and make me laugh. The pills I am taking are called IBRAN which block the cancer from spreading. It is a miracle granted from God that I got the funding for these pills. I know we are here for each other.

[Spooky]

Blossom!

I would send her a card. I would write a letter, and tell her you UNDERSTAND if she doesn't feel like replying.

I would say that you're not sending her cards or letters for replies, but simply because you love her. Tell her she of course can reply if she wants to, but that you totally understand if she chooses not to.

I would tell her she can be herself with you, and if that means not replying, that is okay with you. Tell her she doesn't have to be upbeat for you, that if she feels like yelling or swearing or whatever, it's fine with you. If she doesn't feel like talking (writing), it's okay with you, too.

Tell her you don't need for her to be anyone but her true self. That she can be AS SHE IS with you. She can be open and honest and does not need to put on any act for you.

Yes like RS said, she's isolating. In this case, I might do the same. The fear of attachments is something I would feel, and seeing pity or the pain in loved ones eyes I could not bear.

You've gotten some really good advice by everyone.

Send her mother flowers and a card, too, if you can.

Just you writing a letter is something closer than texts. And it's there for her to reread, if she wants.

She will know you care and won't feel as isolated.

Isolating oneself is difficult to explain. You FEEL THE ABSOLUTE NEED to be alone. Yet, you don't necessarily LIKE being alone.

The best comforters are those who let you be what you feel. No sunshine and roses talk, no phony baloney.

Just be YOU, and tell her you want her to know that with you, she doesn't need to hold back any of her feelings, and she doesn't need to say anything about her feelings. She doesn't need to say a thing.

Let her know that she can be HOWEVER SHE FEELS, no matter how many times her feelings change.

Pray while writing to her, that The Lord guides you and speaks through you. That He helps you think of the words to say. Even if you think you didn't do enough, Christ WILL work through your actions and words.

He knows the words to say to her. He will speak to her through you.

You're a sweetheart, Blossom. I'll be praying.

Beautifully said