Sounds like a personal problem

[Hot4TENER]

Oh jewelry queen! My heart goes out to you. Please consider finding a Families Anonymous group in your area for support. These groups are for people who have loved ones struggling with substance abuse AND / OR Mental disorders. You will be amazed at how you will find comfort with people who have been through similar circumstances as you and you will learn that you can only control your reactions, not what others do. It will provide you with knowledge, strength and courage. And a solid support system for those times when you are overwhelmed with fear. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

[JewelryQueen]

I am not one to rely on drugs unless needed but am seriously considering borrowing a tranquilizer from my friend who suffers from anxiety-just for the wedding. Or maybe smoking some marijuana (it is legal here) but- Yuck the smell!! Maybe some edibles? What do you all think?

[JewelryQueen]

Hot4

That is good idea. I live in a very small town and I have transportation issues as I cannot drive but will look into it nonetheless.

[Hayhaypaula]

Please do a background check! It will either put you at ease, or prepare you for the future. A backgrounds check will give you his bankruptcies, marital history, law suit history, and maybe some financial information. I did a cheap trial on been verified dot com, and found out that my rich sister took out a $200,000 loan on her paid in full home! (No I didn't tell her I did this!) Some sites like knowx dot com, let you choose which records to search including criminal history, or property ownership. Best wishes for you, and your daughter. It sounds like she might think she is rescuing him. Boy, that isn't likely to be a good result. I sure hope he doesn't alienate her from you. She may need you more than ever, real soon.

[Hayhaypaula]

Please do a background check! It will either put you at ease, or prepare you for the future. A backgrounds check will give you his bankruptcies, marital history, law suit history, and maybe some financial information. I did a cheap trial on been verified dot com, and found out that my rich sister took out a $200,000 loan on her paid in full home! (No I didn't tell her I did this!) Some sites like knowx dot com, let you choose which records to search including criminal history, or property ownership. Best wishes for you, and your daughter. It sounds like she might think she is rescuing him. Boy, that isn't likely to be a good result. I sure hope he doesn't alienate her from you. She may need you more than ever, real soon.

[Angelflutter]

Oh JQ, my heart goes out to you. You would do well to find a Friend's Anonymous group. They may come up with some new suggestions or at a minumum assist you with you coping skills and be there for support. It's always better when we have someone to talk to. I sure wish we had known sooner. At this point there really not enough time to do much and you may need to reconcile that this marriage is going to happen. I have some suggestions as others do. Are you on cordial terms with fiance' and daughter ? If so you might try this. Invite fiance' and daughter over to your home for dinner. Sit down and explain to them both that you want to speak to them out of love and concern. Ask that neither one interrupt, so that you can say what you need to say. Tell your daughter that you are concerned over fiance's PSTD.( Do you know what has caused his PTSD ? ) Tell fiance' that you are concerned for your daughters safety. Ask him to consider some kind of therapy. Not necessarily a therapist / patient setup. There are support groups ...... many found free at local hospitals. Tell the fiance' about what bipolar is. Tell him about how it has affected your daughter. Bring up the fact that most people with bipolar syndrome are frequently non medication compliant. People with bipolar syndrome usually don't make the best of decisions and are usually hospitalized quite frequently.
This brings up the subject of employment. Ask fiance' if he is ready to find a full time job, because your daughter is going to need some kind of insurance, because the medical bills will be staggering. With her having bipolarism, is she a reliable employee. Can she hold down a job. Then explain that they need time to work on themselves and then come together to work as a couple. Ask them if they would postpone their wedding. To go into this marriage with skills that that have built together. Ask both if they want to be loving and supportive to each other. By working on themselves, they are proving that they want a marriage that works and they want to work for that marriage. If fiance or daughter say they don't want to help themselves or work together at therapy then you can point out that if they are not willing to do it for the each other that it may not be a wise choice to get married. Hopefully this will give them pause to think. They might be angry at first, but after they leave I am sure they will think about the conversation. Possibly one or both will back out. Always let them know that you are coming out of a place of love. Remember, there are couples out there that we thought would never ever stay together.... then there were those that we all thought were soul mate that ended up with really nasty divorces..hopefully she will think, Wow, if he's not willing to work on issues now, he won't be willing to work at saving the marriage after a fight. **** And you could bring this up to her again out of ear shot of him***** Remind her that you love her, that you dont want to allianate her, and that you will be there for her..... but you feel that she's making a mistake and it would break your heart to see her hurt. I know you want her relationship with this man to be over with..... but in the end... she is an adult. You just may need to reconsile yourself to the fact that this marriage is going to happen. Just try to be cordial. Who knows, you may grow to king of like each other. Hugs. Prayers to put your mind at ease.

[honey]

That's just beautiful advice Angelflutter. Full of caring
about what is going on in JQ's heart and mind.

[JewelryQueen]

Angelflutter

Thank you so much for your caring and intuitive post. I have reconciled myself to the fact that my daughter is an adult and is h*ll bent for leather to get married right away. I tried the approach that they haven't known each other for even a year yet. What harm would it do to wait a while? I also suggested pre-marital counseling. No go. Even played the grandkid card that what with the divorce, the move involving a new school and new friends, and now this wedding, perhaps there is too much stress on the kids in too little of a time frame. Not a good response.

My daughter was diagnosed as being bi-polar when she was 17 and has been in denial ever since. It is not severe, but is enough her temper sometimes gets away from her and makes it very difficult to live with her. Of course she has been putting her very best foot forward with the new guy but I am not sure he knows what he is getting into.

Hubby-to-be grew up in a war-torn country and was in the army. He witnessed some horrific atrocities and bombs and gunfire aplenty. A firecracker or car backfire or even a door slamming or dropping something on the floor sends him into a frenzy. And don't walk up and touch his arm without warning him first or they will be picking you up off the ground.

Now I am getting wound up again. I best get off this subject for a few minutes.

I am grateful for all of you and your input. Sometimes it helps to just talk.

[Angelflutter]

Try to rest your mind..... even if just for tonight.

[Gypsy]

@JewelryQueen

I hope you rest easier tonight
I feel we are all very blessed to have this circle of friends.
There has been alot written here today by a group of very strong and very caring women. ❤
And you seem to me to be a woman who has a strong heart for family and friends.
I'm confident that when you've thought it all thru and the time comes you will know exactly what you need to say to your daughter and it wont be with any anger toward her decisions but with the love of a true caring mother. - Gypsy ❤