One man's party is another man's riot

[JewelryQueen]

Living in a one horse (well actually two horse) town, employment opportunities are limited. It had actually been a pretty quiet week at the bar I tend.

Our local Romeo had only had to climb out the bathroom window once. This Lothario or "God's Gift to Women" as he preferred to be called, had a van whose interior was bedecked like a bordello. There he tried to lure unsuspecting women for a little conoodling. Mostly tourists, as the women in town were on to him. The biggest hitch in his routine was the fact that he was married. His saving graces were the large front window where you could see who was coming and the bathroom window which was three feet wide but only about twelve inches high. More of a transom really. My sincere belief was he kept his slim figure not to impress women but to ensure his escape route if he saw his wife coming.

The HUGE Samoan biker had only had to be handcuffed around the telephone pole out front once too. He was actually a nice guy but when he had a snoot full he would wave his huge ham hock arms around when trying to make a point and knock whoever was on the bar stool next to him out cold. He was not a popular guy to sit next to. The handcuffs actually had his name engraved on them.

Only one logger brought in a chain saw to threaten to cut our antique wooden bar in two (after being cut off of course) and I only had to convince one other logger that the dispensing tray of the cigarette machine was not a urinal. Like I said, a pretty quiet week.

Aw, but now the upcoming weekend is the Strawberry Festival. I don't know which of the Founding Fathers was the mental giant that picked a week too early in the season for the strawberries to be ripe, yet rainy enough that a lot of folks stayed inside, mostly drinking, but he had my target on his back. Like I said it was a small rural town and had a limited gene pool. That might explain it.

My first hint that things were out of control was when the front door of the bar burst open and two men on horses galloped through the bar, across the dance floor, and out the double back doors. (Told you we had two horses in this town). The next hint was when I saw one biker from the Iron Lords and one biker from the Bandidos. Taken separately they were manageable, even polite, and great tippers! But Golly Molly do not put them in the same bar! One Lord asked one Bandido for a light for his cigarette. The Bandido dutifully pulled out his lighter-- and set the Lord's beard on fire! And the riot was on.

Some idiot called the State Patrol instead of our Chief of Police Bob Sheriff (yes his actual name). Two hours later when the snipers are off the roofs and the bikers ensconced in separate bars, I had a little chat with the mayor and some of the town council. It was agreed that Next year's Festival will be held two weeks later.

So much for the quiet week.

[Gypsy]

@JewelryQueen

That was hilarious...I've bartended in a few places like that Actually met my husband tending bar on the Mexican boarder .....he was a GREAT tipper and could run a pool table
Thanks for the happy memory ❣ -Gypsy

[Blossom]

@JewelryQueen
You had me at 'one horse town'

[JewelryQueen]

Thank ladies-a pleasure

Just a footnote here---Ann Rule used to come to our one horse town and confer with Bob Sheriff about police procedure, etc. I got to be a fly on the wall a few times for their late night confabs in the tiny upstairs police office. I had entree with Ann as her son (Randy Andy as he was affectionately called) went to high school with one of my boyfriends and they were buds. Small world indeed!

Full disclosure: The Romeo, the Samoan and the loggers did not happen all in one week. One month perhaps, but not one week. However all the events portrayed here actually happened.

[Blossom]

JQ,
How cool to know Ann Rule!
Your life is & has been full of excitement! Thank you for all the stories we get a sneak peek at before your autobiography is published! When you become famous we can all say 'we knew you when'