OSOTT?

[Blossom]

Are you ok?

[Vicky]

I was just thinking the same. R u ok ?? Just give a quick we r worriedOSOTT

[OtherSideOfTheTracks]

Are you ok?

Hey everyone - thank you for the shout and concern. I'm barely here. I came on late last night for about five minutes and could barely read I'm so tired. I'm worn out. Mama's care is taking everything I have and there is not enough hours in the day. My sister gave me hate from Texas a few days ago and that put me on a downward spiral as I can't believe how UNCARING, and IGNORANT she is and DELIBERATELY turning her head to what is happening to mom and me as this is, I've determined, mom's end of life. I literally am trying to work out my "hate" for my sister and brother, as they have abandoned us - and I'm not supposed to hate anyone - but I"m so close to it.

I suggested to my sister that maybe she should come visit mother as she is very sick - and it would give me a little respite - it was as if I was asking for the world. She had the nerve to say SHE needed a vacation (she's a school teacher) and and that she just can't come because she needed rest she wants to clean her house! I freakin' lost it.

But that threw me in a deep state of depression and alone.

I read some of others discussion of their experience as a caregiver and I so relate. I wanted to reply, but I"m so exhausted I couldn't put a sentence together. I'm that tired. Watching mom getting worse is agony to me. No nurse has told me that mom is dying - I don't know why they are not - but it's happening. Mother is a fighter though and doesn't want to go....she's always been a strong woman. It's killing me watching her decline. It would be so nice to have had my sister come just to have someone here and I know mother would love to see her. MY SISTER THINKS I'M OVER EXAGGERATING MOM'S CONDITION!!! Because mom talks on the phone with her my sister thinks she is not that bad! It's RIDICULOUS! I'm sick over it.

My blood pressure is sky high, I'm not getting good sleep, I'm on auto-drive. Forgive me here everyone if I'm not so involved as it's all I can do to read a few posts lately. I deeply CARE for YOU so much - all of you - My heart is with you as I read your words. Everyone here touches me and I'm in awe of you all.

I'm going to end here because I'm crying and I need to go attend mom. I'm not going to reread this or edit for grammar or spelling or whatever...lol I feel like my arms are so heavy and I have stress headaches that are killer. I would appreciate it, if I can ask, for your prayers.

(((HUGS)))

[Gypsy]

Are you ok?

Hey everyone - thank you for the shout and concern. I'm barely here. I came on late last night for about five minutes and could barely read I'm so tired. I'm worn out. Mama's care is taking everything I have and there is not enough hours in the day. My sister gave me hate from Texas a few days ago and that put me on a downward spiral as I can't believe how UNCARING, and IGNORANT she is and DELIBERATELY turning her head to what is happening to mom and me as this is, I've determined, mom's end of life. I literally am trying to work out my "hate" for my sister and brother, as they have abandoned us - and I'm not supposed to hate anyone - but I"m so close to it.

I suggested to my sister that maybe she should come visit mother as she is very sick - and it would give me a little respite - it was as if I was asking for the world. She had the nerve to say SHE needed a vacation (she's a school teacher) and and that she just can't come because she needed rest she wants to clean her house! I freakin' lost it.

But that threw me in a deep state of depression and alone.

I read some of others discussion of their experience as a caregiver and I so relate. I wanted to reply, but I"m so exhausted I couldn't put a sentence together. I'm that tired. Watching mom getting worse is agony to me. No nurse has told me that mom is dying - I don't know why they are not - but it's happening. Mother is a fighter though and doesn't want to go....she's always been a strong woman. It's killing me watching her decline. It would be so nice to have had my sister come just to have someone here and I know mother would love to see her. MY SISTER THINKS I'M OVER EXAGGERATING MOM'S CONDITION!!! Because mom talks on the phone with her my sister thinks she is not that bad! It's RIDICULOUS! I'm sick over it.

My blood pressure is sky high, I'm not getting good sleep, I'm on auto-drive. Forgive me here everyone if I'm not so involved as it's all I can do to read a few posts lately. I deeply CARE for YOU so much - all of you - My heart is with you as I read your words. Everyone here touches me and I'm in awe of you all.

I'm going to end here because I'm crying and I need to go attend mom. I'm not going to reread this or edit for grammar or spelling or whatever...lol I feel like my arms are so heavy and I have stress headaches that are killer. I would appreciate it, if I can ask, for your prayers.

(((HUGS)))

Sending HUGE (((Hugs))) and prayers to give you the strength that you need to not only care for your mom but to take care of you will also continue to send prayers for your mom. I know this has been difficult for you. Please be strong XO -GYPSY

[RS]

Hugs and prayers coming your way OSOTT

Lending you what strength I can across the miles.

I’ve been thinking about you. Please take care. Don’t worry about the small stuff. We will be here when you can engage.

[Blossom]

Are you ok?

Hey everyone - thank you for the shout and concern. I'm barely here. I came on late last night for about five minutes and could barely read I'm so tired. I'm worn out. Mama's care is taking everything I have and there is not enough hours in the day. My sister gave me hate from Texas a few days ago and that put me on a downward spiral as I can't believe how UNCARING, and IGNORANT she is and DELIBERATELY turning her head to what is happening to mom and me as this is, I've determined, mom's end of life. I literally am trying to work out my "hate" for my sister and brother, as they have abandoned us - and I'm not supposed to hate anyone - but I"m so close to it.

I suggested to my sister that maybe she should come visit mother as she is very sick - and it would give me a little respite - it was as if I was asking for the world. She had the nerve to say SHE needed a vacation (she's a school teacher) and and that she just can't come because she needed rest she wants to clean her house! I freakin' lost it.

But that threw me in a deep state of depression and alone.

I read some of others discussion of their experience as a caregiver and I so relate. I wanted to reply, but I"m so exhausted I couldn't put a sentence together. I'm that tired. Watching mom getting worse is agony to me. No nurse has told me that mom is dying - I don't know why they are not - but it's happening. Mother is a fighter though and doesn't want to go....she's always been a strong woman. It's killing me watching her decline. It would be so nice to have had my sister come just to have someone here and I know mother would love to see her. MY SISTER THINKS I'M OVER EXAGGERATING MOM'S CONDITION!!! Because mom talks on the phone with her my sister thinks she is not that bad! It's RIDICULOUS! I'm sick over it.

My blood pressure is sky high, I'm not getting good sleep, I'm on auto-drive. Forgive me here everyone if I'm not so involved as it's all I can do to read a few posts lately. I deeply CARE for YOU so much - all of you - My heart is with you as I read your words. Everyone here touches me and I'm in awe of you all.

I'm going to end here because I'm crying and I need to go attend mom. I'm not going to reread this or edit for grammar or spelling or whatever...lol I feel like my arms are so heavy and I have stress headaches that are killer. I would appreciate it, if I can ask, for your prayers.

(((HUGS)))

OSOTT,
I'm so sorry you are going through this heartbreaking time alone. When my mom was lying in hospital bed the last days of her life, my brother wouldn't even come to see her. I think she hung on longer than doctors expected because she was waiting for him. It still upsets me.

If your brother & sister don't do the right thing by your mom, they will be the ones living with regret, NOT you.

My biggest regret is not asking enough questions about her whole life, things that seemed insignificant until I was no longer able to ask. Same about my dad.

Hope you can find peace & rest knowing you are there when she needs you the most.

Hugs & prayers

[Ginger]

My dear OSOTT, my heart is breaking reading your reply & I know exactly what you’re talking about. I worry about you & several others on here taking care of family. It’s such a tough responsibility & I’ve found the one being the caregiver is considered the one who can never do enough but the others want to voice their opinion about what should be done, without ever lifting a finger to help. I’m experiencing this with my in laws & they have a older son, but who wouldn’t help if they begged him. We all live within 3 miles of each other and I am the only daughter in law. Our daughter helps take her for her weekly antibiotic IV treatments & our daughter in law sometimes, but she honestly don’t want to be bothered. She’s the type that will do anything for her family but won’t for our sons family, just whatever she can get from my in-laws. And of course dealing with some siblings who have disowned me and my sister because we left my Mother’s wake early. They don’t tell that they ignored us, had their children ignore us, didn’t include us in moms funeral arrangements or even include us in her memorial video for everyone to see, it just had them 4 in it. My little sister over ruled mom’s husband (6 months of marriage) and said mom was being buried in their town and she was in charge. I felt so bad for him & we were NOT invited to say goodbye to mom at the hospital because they didn’t want us there. I’m having a very hard time dealing with this & not sleeping, very depressed. It’s amazing how many family members come around after the loved ones are gone but they couldn’t help when they were alive. I hope your sister realizes how much you’re doing & how much it’s not fair to put this responsibility on 1 person. People can be so cruel & what’s shocking is they don’t care, as long as their lives aren’t interrupted. My thoughts and prayers for you and everyone going through difficult times because it’s one of the hardest things to do. I am always around even if I don’t post, if anyone just wants to vent or needs a shoulder to lean on. You’re all caring women & I’m so happy to know each of you & I believe you’re ALL such strong individuals. I’m praying for everyone and sending strong hugs to embrace you to help relieve stress, love you all. Ginger

[Hot4TENER]

Over the past several weeks, I have been reading, but rarely posting. My heart is so saddened by the burdens that many of you carry, and I don't even know what to say that can possibly lighten the load. Please know that many of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Some time ago, Angelflutter posted a prayer under a thread titled To all my ShopLC friends in need..... I found her words to be more beautiful than any utterance that I could offer up in prayer. I took a screenshot on my phone. Often after I read a post (such as OSOTT's) I pull up my photo in my phone and read that prayer. I'm sure I'm not the only one who reads others posts and prays without posting often, so I hope that OSOTT and all of you struggling with health or family or employment issues feel the love and prayers of your forum family multiplied by many times.

[Gemsnob]

Friend, I'm with you every moment. I feel your pain. PLEASE, PLEASE take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and physically. Check in when you can only because we worry but if you have a few spare moments, use them for self care. I love you!

[OtherSideOfTheTracks]

I'm here for a flash and have felt your love, encouragement, wishes and prayers since I posted. I actually have felt the pressure has lightened - I can't describe this - but I just don't feel so "troubled" as I did the past few days. I'm still overwhelmed - but truly -your posts to me today have inspired me to just let go and do what I have to.

My sister's words to me seeded an anger that's ugly. I've changed. My personality is laid back and I find time to enjoy the birds singing, a cat's yawn, the smell of coffee in the morning.... but lately I've not seen anything that was enjoyable. I need to change that. Maybe it will come back to me one day. I hope so. I don't want this pain and bitterness to my sister and brother change me. However, as it stands, I never want to lay eyes on them again. I mean it. They are FAKE people. Now, am "I" the person judging them now? Does this make "me" a bad person? I don't know anymore.

My sister asked me about my mom's insignificant Social Security check and how it's used!!! As if it is some huge amount (not even close) to help fund her and her medical treatments. "I" pay for her well-being (food, utilities, clothing, or whatever comfort she needs), and my sister and brother spends NOTHING nor asks if mom needs anything or if I need anything. It's gross character. I used to look up to them - now I'm disgusted. I've gotten more support from you guys, people I've never met, than them in a lifetime.

I'm no angel I'll admit...I shouldn't "expect" anything because once you expect something from someone, you will be disappointed. I learned this before my mom's ill health - but I would have never ever expected my sister and brother to be total losers. My brother is a retired executive and he is traveling the world with his wife and living it up. I don't mind that but he should travel to see his mom! It's like mom would kill his buzz or he may feel "obligated" to do something. I don't know - anything anymore. Their behavior has rocked my world.

To be honest, I'm dread what is to come - as I went through dying with my husband. I'm scared inside out of that feeling when it happens. I'm so scared and I don't want to be the only one here when it happens. I walk into mom's room now - and I am fearful of finding her gone. So many times already, in her shallow breathing, that my breath is caught in my throat. Then she will move....and I praise God.

I thank you for allowing me to do it without too much judgment. I know I'm in the wrong in feeling so much anger. I have a lot of work to do to be better, I know it.

I don't "hate" them. I don't. I'm not envious of them. I'm not. I am * though. I can't stand how LAME they are and my parents taught them better than this. Once this is over, I really don't want to have anything to do with them ever again.

I haven't watch SLC. I cannot stomach it at this time. I can't even enjoy the thought of shopping right now. Maybe tomorrow will be different. I'm not a victim and I'm sorry for complaining. I've got to pull myself up by my bootstraps if only I could find those * boots.

This is more than I thought I would write when I started. I'm beaming out for awhile. bbl