Thank you
@JewelryQueen
I'm not doing well, and have not been for some time now. Ever since moving here, I've gotten worse. I love my parents very much but my father is overly critical and my mother has always put each of us down. To our face, and behind our backs. Her sisters were the same way.
Neither my father or mother know they are doing it. They do not see it, and never will. I have been their "target" since I moved here.
I have been beaten up mentally and verbally more than I ever have in my life, since moving here to stay with them. Yes, they are in pain and I know that makes them worse. But I don't want to be here. I never did.
I am trapped and it doesn't take Freud to figure out my dreams. I am always alone, or around people I don't know. I am constantly trying to find the Exit in a hospital, medical building, college, mall, theme park, and some extremely odd places. Like a freeway that turns and twists and is all broken up. Everyone has to walk up and down sections, climb through railings, and it never ends.
Places inside, I am opening doors to find yet another set of swinging doors. Pushing through, I find myself in a room with nobody in it, or it's a surgical room, or a room belonging to very ill people. I smile, they think I'm staff, I leave, going down hallways and find a door and am told that the door is permanently closed and is not an exit. I turn around and look for another exit. I go through doors after doors after doors. Each leading nowhere. Or it's parking lots and I cannot find my car. Trapped.
Growing up, we were never praised, never. Only criticized. Yet my twin and I were always "teacher's pet" in every class we've been in growing up. We had different teachers and were not in the same classes in elementary school. In junior high we had a couple of classes together, also in H.S. Our teachers and our employers always loved us.
At home it was another story. We never understood what it was we were doing that was "so bad." None of us drank, none of us did drugs, none of us stayed out all night, none of us "slept around", none of us got pregnant. Pretty much everyone else was in that era, but we weren't and our parents knew it. We came home after school and stayed home, or were at church, or our friends' houses - with their parents there. We didn't "sass", we did our chores.
I am NOT putting down anyone who did any of the above. It is just something we have discussed with each other as siblings, trying to figure it all out.
It's never changed and it of course, never will. It's a long, long story. I know why my parents are this way. My mother had a horrible, wretched childhood. My father had a great one.
But neither understand what "examining themselves" means. They truly do not see it. My sis is incapable of emotional support just like our father and mother. And honestly does not see that.
Enough of that. The damage has long been done.
I just opened my lamps that came.
Elephant and Tiger were intact, as far as I can tell. They don't come with the bulb.
Hummingbird and Peacock I knew would be broken because the box it was in rattled when I took it out of SLCs box.
It was even worse this time. The top piece of glass is completely shattered. Shards are inside the lamp. There is a "sunburst" cracking in the glass that still remains on the top, that is ready to fall into the lamp. The glass is so thin, the wood "raw" and splintery. Again, I dare not take it out of the box for fear of glass shards scattering all over the floor.
I give up. And I don't want another from them. These lamps are dangerous. The glass is too thin. I doubt they'll even stand the heat of a bulb. If one fell, or got bumped up against, the glass would be in such tiny pieces, there is no way a person would be able to clean them all up.
That's much too dangerous, especially for a nightlight.
I'm never shopping here again.
Thank you, JQ. I love you.
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